Mr. George Pickwicket

Dear Friends, family, fans, whatever you are, my mind is full of a new character that I can't seem to stop writing about. His name is Mr. Pickwicket and the other day I had a couple things on my mind about him that I had to jot down. But after writing my Mr. Pickwicket chapters I have realized that I would love feedback on the character and any ideas you may have about him or the story. I may or may not publish various chapters on here, so let me know your opinion on the subject and i will take it into great consideration. Here it is:

Now I will tell you the cinotamous tale of Mr. George Pickwicket. It is a story of a very nervous man that never can make up his blooming mind. But I must tell you a secret.. I don’t actually know the tale of Mr. Pickwicket because I am on the journey of discovering him myself. So far I know that he is a very nervous man who is not very social. And I do have to admit something to you.. all throughout the adventure I will include very old fashioned things. You see the truth is if I write about a character from present day then I find myself wandering to old fashioned tendencies. But if I put dear Mr. Pickwicket into a time period that’s more fitting for him, than it is hard for me to be historically accurate with the way life was. So.. join me on the exploration of this dear man and his poor nerves. 

And Chapter one is called "Poor Nerves". Now I realize that Cinotamous is not a common word, in fact it's not a real word. But I have made it up and it means something that is unsure or mysterious. I just was writing and was sure that I had heard the word used somewhere until when i was reading it to an audience they started to laugh and i had to stop to ask what was so funny and they informed me that, that isn't a real word. I am sure that if i ever do end up in an editors office (which is highly unlikely, because i only write silliness) then we will end up in a great many quarrels over my made up words. I am quite adamant that they stay in the story! 


I would love your thoughts! That's all for now!

Cries of my Heart

  Well I told myself that this blog was not going to be religious. I wanted ordinary people to read my blog and not feel like it was just another Sermon being shoved down their throats. But as the days go on I realize how much of my identity lies in Christ and in what I believe. So dear reader I can no longer hold it in. I hope that as I reveal more of my true heart, you will know that my intent is not to preach or conform you, but just to be brutally honest about the desires and cries of my heart. From one human being to another, one beating heart to the next. 
  The older I get the more i realize that when I go about life leaning on my own understanding and putting God "on the back burner",  the more I live for selfish reasons. All my attempts and pursuits are done in the flesh, and the truth of it all is that they will all go away and fade in the wind when death comes upon my door. Eyes blanketed in a world of darkness and my heart laying cold and hard.
  But when I make worship my DESTINY and God the purpose in my life, then death has no sting! And life actually means something.. it means that I am in an eternal battle against everything evil, every pain, and sorrow. I am fighting for the hope of life and healing and renewal. And most of all I am fighting for a God that looks upon me and doesn't see a broken, selfish, prideful person but instead see's something valuable.
  The truth is God isn't a fierce tyrant. The reason I know this is because often times i find myself lost, confused and broken in this world, and God meets me where i am and takes me in his arms like a father holding a baby. He whispers things like "You are beautiful", "You are chosen". The whole reason why I am in the fight against Satan is because I want to see people walk in this freedom and not be surrounded by Satan's lies and temptations. I yearn for people to feel the unconditional love that I feel when I come to the Lord in reverence. I don't want man kind to feel like "Hollow men" and that there is no way out, because i know how empty that is.
   I got in a car accident a couple days ago. I hit a 2012 VW on accident and they just called me with the bill for their bumper. The total is 300 dollars. A couple weeks ago I looked at my total Nannying salary and how much of it goes towards college and then how much goes toward gas, food, and toiletries for college. Yeah, i started crying when i saw my monthly budget. But with all that said, I know that God is my provider and I will fear no evil. The truth is the worst that could ever happen to me is death... but if i died then that would be victory because i would go into the gates of heaven singing praises to my king! So tonight i will shed two tears and move on. Money is not my creator, my provider, or my strength! My God is. And let me tell you something My GOD is Alive. And there is no one else for me, none but Jesus!

I am a Nanny

     I am a Nanny. When I shared this fact with a little old lady at the park, she said "I have never met a Nanny before!! I thought Nannies were from England!" But being a Nanny is a very common job in the states and it is probably one of the hardest summer jobs i have ever had. I am with three girls ages 4,5, and 8 for 8 hours a day. Usually I am with big girl and little girl, but every other week i get biggest girl who is their step sister.
Big girl is a very sweet girl. She is not very particular about her food or clothes. She is always looking to lend a hand to a friend. She is also the dare devil of the group and she likes to have a good time.
Little girl is the crack up. She is always making me laugh with her funny sayings and little quarks. But she is four so she tries my patience with her little fits. Not to mention she is probably the most strong willed child I have ever babysat. She knows what she likes and she is not happy if something comes in the way of that.
Biggest girl is a very sweet child, but she is 8 and she loves to test my patience and the rules. She points out negatives and is a very picky eater. But she loves stories. I often read out loud to them before nap or while lunch is cooking and she is always asking for me to read more. So by and by we have many good times together.
During those 8 hours I cook, clean, play, paint nails, comfort, supervise, and teach. Being a Nanny is like being a substitute parent. I do everything they do. the only difference is that I am getting paid to do it and they are not. And I find great relief when i get sweet solitude at nap time. I like to think of it as Michaela time, because i read, listen to music, and sometimes take a little nap myself. 
   Everyday the girls have an activity planned. Well today, I took the girls to the movies and then decided to let them play in the little fountain outside of the theater. Well big girl was running around and fell on the pavement and bit her lip. Now, I am very very squeemish with blood and her lip was bleeding profusely! So i had to swallow hard and deal with it. In fact I have to do that A LOT! We didn't stay there long because both the girls were upset and in need of a nap. So we walked round the building to my car and when we got in, it was blistering hot. When the car is hot like that Little girl will get in, but refuse to sit in her car seat. I don't even understand this logic because the car seat is just as hot as the car. Anyway, they sat down and I was trying the buckle them without letting the metal part of the buckle touch their thighs, but i wasn't very successful and they were both crying crocodile tears and were very peevish. At this point, I pull out a technique called positive thinking.
 It's like I assume that they can't think of the positive things that have happened and will happen, so i tell them. Today it came out in the form of: "We are having such a fun day!! We went to the movies and played in the fountains and now we are going home to eat popsicles and play with play-doh!! It will be so much fun!" And instantly the mood was lightened and we had a peaceful ride home, with two girls sleeping in the sunshine. Another thing that helps kids when they need calmed down is music. So on the way home we listened to some soothing lullaby kind of music and it made a world of difference.
  

Lamentations of Time

Last week I was pondering what to write on my blog. I thought numerous times about pulling out my journal and sharing a poem or one of my random streaming rants out of that, but I am never too eager to just throw something like that out there. Don't ask, it's personal. Anyway so then i thought..."Well my blog is called Kissing 19, so i should write about something i experience as a teenager." Thus today's topic is about ACNE.
I have never actually had acne and every once in a while someone will pay me a compliment about my complexion. And it occurred to me that people probably think my good complexion is some gift from God. Well, I am sorry to shatter dreams but I spend literally Hours on my face. I almost feel like no one in their right mind would do this much to their face, So prepare to be humbled as I share with you my daily journey to a beautiful complexion:
First, in the evening I wash my face with Neutrogena Grapefruit face wash. That cleans off the make up (Mascara, foundation, and whatever else i manage to put on) and it opens up my pores.
Second, I use Neutrogena's Blackhead eliminating 2-in-1 foaming pads, just in case the face wash left anything. (Just to clarify.. i scrub my whole face with both sides).
Third, I use witch hazel pore perfecting toner. It may smell like death but it is 100% natural and it cleanses and conditions my pores for smooth balanced skin. In other words, it makes me feel like I am doing something in the right direction.
Fourth, I put on Acne medicine on my pimples or trouble spots. This medicine ranges from Dermatologist prescribed stuff, to cheap pimple fighting medicine.Sadly, I have found that both work about the same. 
Fifth, I put on a night cream by Acne Free. I am not really sure what it does, but it's all part of the routine!!

There you go! That is my nightly routine. Now, I know that is quite a lot of treatment. But, I am a teenage girl with raging hormones. So i go full force, nothing held back and in the morning I wash my face with L'OREAL 360 degree clean. Then with the Acne Free cleanser.
And if that doesn't do the trick i put on foundation for an even tone! Yes, I know it's completely crazy. So next time you see someone with a beautiful complexion DON'T BE FOOLED! They probably do just as much as I do if not more. And if you're thinking about ramping up your acne fighting game either because you ACTUALLY have acne or you are extremely bored.. then by all means get as many cleansers and creams as your poor pocket book will allow and join the club!

Place de la Republique

Lately i have been listening to french music, especially obsessing over the song "Place de la Republique". And today i was laying in my bed reading, when the melody came to me. It didn't surprise me when it came because it is a song that often moves through me with precise alacrity. There is something about it that brings me back to my foundation, to everything i love and am. But when I start to hum it, the words become mush in my brain. I have taken several courses of French but truly understanding and remembering the words is something foreign to me, and i end up substituting my own words instead of the songs actual words. Today it went something like this "Il est amore.." (He loved). I know neither if it is grammatically correct or if those are the actual words, but it suits me.
 When I listen to French music the words don't stick in my mind as something relatable or important. They end up like mud, and slosh around till i make up my own french lyrics, or i truly dwell on a particular sentence. But once i get it, i end up singing that sentence over and over and over until the people around me give me annoyed glances. I actually don't mind their glances so much, because to me understanding french is like a game; I am the lioness on the prowl and the words and phrases are little mice dashing around with incredible speed. And when i manage to truly understand, after carefully cradling the vowels and consonants between my teeth, i suddenly feel like i have mastered something. Such is the delight I feel when i completely understand someone. I love people for what they are; beautiful creatures, that are a whole ocean full of things to discover.

His Breath Falls on Me Like Dew

 Wrote this a while ago.. it was just something that was gnawing at me.
In my memory, you're a distant dream. In my consciousness you're a brilliant gleam. I sit reveling on the moon's silver crest. An inviting place, i think, for a lonely lover. And in my thoughts he lay, like a thick fog, his breath falling on me like dew.

I linger on times when we walked on the golden shores of guarantees, gazing into waves of tranquil seas. I close my eyes for just a moment, slowly falling into my dreams and he is there. With his steady heart beats and wild eyes. At first he looks at me, i want to ask him where he has been, and to understand the lonely moons. But he puts his fingertips to my lips, as if comforting a child. My soul bursts with questions but we are silent. His breath falls on me like dew.

At first his face is serene like the placid surface of water, but then he takes my hand in his and laces his finger's in mine, much like a spider lacing it's web. I know his steps, and i know his movements. We dance like waves, our feet caressing the glistening sands of the moon. His cheek presses against mine, and all i feel is his breath, falling tenderly on me.. like dew.

Grinding

There are two types of teenagers... there's girls and there's boys. One can usually find these creatures at school dances, and when there are girls and boys in a sweaty room together, the inevitable happens... grinding.  For those of you who have never heard of it, here is the urban dictionary definition:

Grinding: Also Known As Dirty Dancing. When a girl is rubbing her butt all over a guys dick until it comes to the point where he gets a woody

In recent years this cultural phenomenon has been increasingly popular. Let's first look at the causes. This era of music, particularly hip-hop (although country is this way too) is dirty. And by dirty i mean very suggestive in the sexual realm. As a teenager we tend to listen to this music on a day to day basis, which means we engrave in our brains that it is okay for people to be blatantly sexual in the dancing/music category. And like i said the surroundings don't help either. dark room+ girls showing skin+ dancing+ dirty music= teenagers doing dirty things.. grinding. Seriously, that is not exactly a formula for purity or abstinence.  The next cause is hormones. I don't really need to go into an elaborate explanation, it's pretty standard.

Now let's look at adults. Teachers, Parents, Administrators, etc. have been going acrad over this issue for about the last ten years. And somewhat drastic measures have been taken because of it. In fact I have read several articles where parents took evasive action to prevent the grinding from happening. Particularly, by way of public disgrace. The idea is that at the dance, adults will bring flashlights and shine them on the grinders, exposing them to public disgrace, and stopping said behavior. While this is a great idea, i don't think shining a campfire flashlight at a teenager will stop them because in reality they can just move to a different location.. but great job mom. I have also heard the technique of teaching teenagers some fun dances before the school event. (i.e. Salsa, swing, etc.) I honestly would love to have a lesson or two myself but as far as the goal of preventing grinding goes, there is still that equation listed above. Dark room+girls showing skin+dancing+dirty music. SO nice try but it doesn't eliminate the fact that we're still horny teenagers no matter how many "neat" dances you teach us.

I personally have been exposed to many forms of grinding, and in my experiences i have found that there are two kinds. The first i like to call "standard grinding", which is more like dancing and less like having sex. The girl and guy are in more of a standing position and her butt is slightly touching his genitals but by and by it's.... slightly okay. The other form of grinding is the type that you see and you basically feel like you're watching a live porno. The girl's butt is scrunched into the guy's genitals, usually their knees are slightly bent, and the guy is putting his hands all over the girls mid to upper thighs. That my friends is a significant difference.

And to be honest not many teens fight anyone on the subject, but as i made my transition to a private school i started to hear "the rebels" (mostly horny guys) defending it. They said things like "All grinding is, is dancing. So what's the big deal?"

First off let me say that nobody in there right mind would start off an argument like that.

Well i have to agree, that grinding is indeed dancing, but the reality is, it is completely unacceptable. But it is very inevitable (Like i mentioned in the formula). In order to take away the effect, which in this case is grinding, You must take away the cause, which is I'm sorry to say is hormones. And this simply cannot be done and for good reason to, because we would have no more babies and everyone would die out.

But hey, I'll let you know when adults actually come up with a solution to grinding. You never can tell what bright ideas they will come up with next!!