Cries of my Heart

  Well I told myself that this blog was not going to be religious. I wanted ordinary people to read my blog and not feel like it was just another Sermon being shoved down their throats. But as the days go on I realize how much of my identity lies in Christ and in what I believe. So dear reader I can no longer hold it in. I hope that as I reveal more of my true heart, you will know that my intent is not to preach or conform you, but just to be brutally honest about the desires and cries of my heart. From one human being to another, one beating heart to the next. 
  The older I get the more i realize that when I go about life leaning on my own understanding and putting God "on the back burner",  the more I live for selfish reasons. All my attempts and pursuits are done in the flesh, and the truth of it all is that they will all go away and fade in the wind when death comes upon my door. Eyes blanketed in a world of darkness and my heart laying cold and hard.
  But when I make worship my DESTINY and God the purpose in my life, then death has no sting! And life actually means something.. it means that I am in an eternal battle against everything evil, every pain, and sorrow. I am fighting for the hope of life and healing and renewal. And most of all I am fighting for a God that looks upon me and doesn't see a broken, selfish, prideful person but instead see's something valuable.
  The truth is God isn't a fierce tyrant. The reason I know this is because often times i find myself lost, confused and broken in this world, and God meets me where i am and takes me in his arms like a father holding a baby. He whispers things like "You are beautiful", "You are chosen". The whole reason why I am in the fight against Satan is because I want to see people walk in this freedom and not be surrounded by Satan's lies and temptations. I yearn for people to feel the unconditional love that I feel when I come to the Lord in reverence. I don't want man kind to feel like "Hollow men" and that there is no way out, because i know how empty that is.
   I got in a car accident a couple days ago. I hit a 2012 VW on accident and they just called me with the bill for their bumper. The total is 300 dollars. A couple weeks ago I looked at my total Nannying salary and how much of it goes towards college and then how much goes toward gas, food, and toiletries for college. Yeah, i started crying when i saw my monthly budget. But with all that said, I know that God is my provider and I will fear no evil. The truth is the worst that could ever happen to me is death... but if i died then that would be victory because i would go into the gates of heaven singing praises to my king! So tonight i will shed two tears and move on. Money is not my creator, my provider, or my strength! My God is. And let me tell you something My GOD is Alive. And there is no one else for me, none but Jesus!