Cries of my Heart

  Well I told myself that this blog was not going to be religious. I wanted ordinary people to read my blog and not feel like it was just another Sermon being shoved down their throats. But as the days go on I realize how much of my identity lies in Christ and in what I believe. So dear reader I can no longer hold it in. I hope that as I reveal more of my true heart, you will know that my intent is not to preach or conform you, but just to be brutally honest about the desires and cries of my heart. From one human being to another, one beating heart to the next. 
  The older I get the more i realize that when I go about life leaning on my own understanding and putting God "on the back burner",  the more I live for selfish reasons. All my attempts and pursuits are done in the flesh, and the truth of it all is that they will all go away and fade in the wind when death comes upon my door. Eyes blanketed in a world of darkness and my heart laying cold and hard.
  But when I make worship my DESTINY and God the purpose in my life, then death has no sting! And life actually means something.. it means that I am in an eternal battle against everything evil, every pain, and sorrow. I am fighting for the hope of life and healing and renewal. And most of all I am fighting for a God that looks upon me and doesn't see a broken, selfish, prideful person but instead see's something valuable.
  The truth is God isn't a fierce tyrant. The reason I know this is because often times i find myself lost, confused and broken in this world, and God meets me where i am and takes me in his arms like a father holding a baby. He whispers things like "You are beautiful", "You are chosen". The whole reason why I am in the fight against Satan is because I want to see people walk in this freedom and not be surrounded by Satan's lies and temptations. I yearn for people to feel the unconditional love that I feel when I come to the Lord in reverence. I don't want man kind to feel like "Hollow men" and that there is no way out, because i know how empty that is.
   I got in a car accident a couple days ago. I hit a 2012 VW on accident and they just called me with the bill for their bumper. The total is 300 dollars. A couple weeks ago I looked at my total Nannying salary and how much of it goes towards college and then how much goes toward gas, food, and toiletries for college. Yeah, i started crying when i saw my monthly budget. But with all that said, I know that God is my provider and I will fear no evil. The truth is the worst that could ever happen to me is death... but if i died then that would be victory because i would go into the gates of heaven singing praises to my king! So tonight i will shed two tears and move on. Money is not my creator, my provider, or my strength! My God is. And let me tell you something My GOD is Alive. And there is no one else for me, none but Jesus!

I am a Nanny

     I am a Nanny. When I shared this fact with a little old lady at the park, she said "I have never met a Nanny before!! I thought Nannies were from England!" But being a Nanny is a very common job in the states and it is probably one of the hardest summer jobs i have ever had. I am with three girls ages 4,5, and 8 for 8 hours a day. Usually I am with big girl and little girl, but every other week i get biggest girl who is their step sister.
Big girl is a very sweet girl. She is not very particular about her food or clothes. She is always looking to lend a hand to a friend. She is also the dare devil of the group and she likes to have a good time.
Little girl is the crack up. She is always making me laugh with her funny sayings and little quarks. But she is four so she tries my patience with her little fits. Not to mention she is probably the most strong willed child I have ever babysat. She knows what she likes and she is not happy if something comes in the way of that.
Biggest girl is a very sweet child, but she is 8 and she loves to test my patience and the rules. She points out negatives and is a very picky eater. But she loves stories. I often read out loud to them before nap or while lunch is cooking and she is always asking for me to read more. So by and by we have many good times together.
During those 8 hours I cook, clean, play, paint nails, comfort, supervise, and teach. Being a Nanny is like being a substitute parent. I do everything they do. the only difference is that I am getting paid to do it and they are not. And I find great relief when i get sweet solitude at nap time. I like to think of it as Michaela time, because i read, listen to music, and sometimes take a little nap myself. 
   Everyday the girls have an activity planned. Well today, I took the girls to the movies and then decided to let them play in the little fountain outside of the theater. Well big girl was running around and fell on the pavement and bit her lip. Now, I am very very squeemish with blood and her lip was bleeding profusely! So i had to swallow hard and deal with it. In fact I have to do that A LOT! We didn't stay there long because both the girls were upset and in need of a nap. So we walked round the building to my car and when we got in, it was blistering hot. When the car is hot like that Little girl will get in, but refuse to sit in her car seat. I don't even understand this logic because the car seat is just as hot as the car. Anyway, they sat down and I was trying the buckle them without letting the metal part of the buckle touch their thighs, but i wasn't very successful and they were both crying crocodile tears and were very peevish. At this point, I pull out a technique called positive thinking.
 It's like I assume that they can't think of the positive things that have happened and will happen, so i tell them. Today it came out in the form of: "We are having such a fun day!! We went to the movies and played in the fountains and now we are going home to eat popsicles and play with play-doh!! It will be so much fun!" And instantly the mood was lightened and we had a peaceful ride home, with two girls sleeping in the sunshine. Another thing that helps kids when they need calmed down is music. So on the way home we listened to some soothing lullaby kind of music and it made a world of difference.
  

Lamentations of Time

Last week I was pondering what to write on my blog. I thought numerous times about pulling out my journal and sharing a poem or one of my random streaming rants out of that, but I am never too eager to just throw something like that out there. Don't ask, it's personal. Anyway so then i thought..."Well my blog is called Kissing 19, so i should write about something i experience as a teenager." Thus today's topic is about ACNE.
I have never actually had acne and every once in a while someone will pay me a compliment about my complexion. And it occurred to me that people probably think my good complexion is some gift from God. Well, I am sorry to shatter dreams but I spend literally Hours on my face. I almost feel like no one in their right mind would do this much to their face, So prepare to be humbled as I share with you my daily journey to a beautiful complexion:
First, in the evening I wash my face with Neutrogena Grapefruit face wash. That cleans off the make up (Mascara, foundation, and whatever else i manage to put on) and it opens up my pores.
Second, I use Neutrogena's Blackhead eliminating 2-in-1 foaming pads, just in case the face wash left anything. (Just to clarify.. i scrub my whole face with both sides).
Third, I use witch hazel pore perfecting toner. It may smell like death but it is 100% natural and it cleanses and conditions my pores for smooth balanced skin. In other words, it makes me feel like I am doing something in the right direction.
Fourth, I put on Acne medicine on my pimples or trouble spots. This medicine ranges from Dermatologist prescribed stuff, to cheap pimple fighting medicine.Sadly, I have found that both work about the same. 
Fifth, I put on a night cream by Acne Free. I am not really sure what it does, but it's all part of the routine!!

There you go! That is my nightly routine. Now, I know that is quite a lot of treatment. But, I am a teenage girl with raging hormones. So i go full force, nothing held back and in the morning I wash my face with L'OREAL 360 degree clean. Then with the Acne Free cleanser.
And if that doesn't do the trick i put on foundation for an even tone! Yes, I know it's completely crazy. So next time you see someone with a beautiful complexion DON'T BE FOOLED! They probably do just as much as I do if not more. And if you're thinking about ramping up your acne fighting game either because you ACTUALLY have acne or you are extremely bored.. then by all means get as many cleansers and creams as your poor pocket book will allow and join the club!